Words to Watch Out For

[Kevin Spencer]

Greetings Fellow Inmates,

My partner in crime and I have been compiling some observations regarding
key words and phrases to watch out for in newsgroup postings. Employing an
understanding of these key words and phrases can save you a lot of grey
hairs and wasted time. Think of them as a form of triage, a method of
identifying those among the wounded that will take up too much time to save,
allowing you to concentrate on the ones that can be saved and sent back to
the front.

"Simple" - People who employ this word can generally be regarded as such.
These are people who watch a figure skater on television, and because that
figure skater has devoted their entire life to making it look easy, the
couch potato thinks it must be. This exposes a fatal flaw in the poster's
ability to jump to conclusions, and a skin-deep perception of life. Look for
copies of Maxim in their bathrooms, or, if female, Cosmopolitan. More likely
to read Popular Science than Scientific American, but not likely to be
interested in science at all.

"Have [some, this, etc] code" - People who employ this and variant phrases
can usually be identified as plagarists, who couldn't program their way out
of a paper bag. They don't WRITE code; they HAVE it. How do they have it,
you may ask? They went to 4guysfromrolla.com, or some similar web site, and
copied it. Chances are, they even tinkered with it, but that cannot be
assumed. Some are simply (darn, there's THAT word again) future failed
entrepreneurs who thought $60 an hour was too much to pay for a third-rate
programmer, whom they fired, and are now trying to make their incomplete
work work. In any case, there is nothing you can do for them until they
decide to go out and buy themselves a work ethic, or hire a real
professional.

"if u cn read this, ur 2 close" - Newbie Wannabe hackers. These are people
who think that if you walk like a duck and talk like a duck, you ARE a duck.
In fact, they don't realize that ducks are not swans, and hackers, as clever
as they may be, lack the discipline to become real programmers. So they
imitate the wrong bunch of people, and in an effort to be kewl, leave
themselves out in the kold, parading about in the Emporer's new clothes.
They are more likely to post answers than questions, but their answers can
usually be safely ignored.

"Pore Speling" - Of course, this is not a word or phrase specifically, but
any message containing more than 1 spelling error per paragraph indicates a
certain laziness on the part of the poster. This also applies to grammer. Of
course, there are exceptions - people who do not speak English natively.
They can usually be identified by their name, or, if they are terrorists
using names like "Chuck" and "Bill," they can usually be identified by their
grammar, and word order. So, we are actually talking about 3 distinct groups
of people here: The lazy and careless, honest hard-working people who don't
speak English very well (and who should therefore be helped, unless they use
any of the otherwise-mentioned words and phrases), and terrorists (who can
be safely identified and ignored).

"Help" and similarly descriptive message titles. If a person doesn't know
how to use newsgroups correctly, and identify the gist of their problem in
their message title, watch out! They probably use a computer, but don't know
what it is. Quite often, these are office workers who think writing a .Net
application is just like extending Access using VBA. They may have, in an
effort to impress their superiors, volunteered to do something that they
have no business doing, and will usually bite your head off if you don't
stroke them enough, like a rabid dog, due to an excess of sensitivity
training which has rendered them insensitive to anyone's needs but their
own.

".aol" in the return email address. This one can be tricky, and requires
further inspection before a decision can be made, but it should certainly
raise a red flag on the part of the helper. In fact, at one point I had an
AOL email address, but that was many years ago, and started when AOL was a
BBS. There are other reasons of necessity why a person might have an AOL
return address, but the probability is quite high that the person asking the
question is so clueless that he will not understand any answer given to him.

"Urgent" - People who are so self-centered that they not only think their
problem is more important than anyone else's, but have no conception of the
amount of time and effort it takes to write good software. This exposes a
certain laziness on the behalf of the poster, which stems from their
selfishness. Not only does the world owe them a living, but it had better
pay up RIGHT NOW!

"ALL CAPS" - While this is generally referred to as "shouting" it generally
indicates either a message coming from a child under the age of 14, or a
person who is so lazy that he can't find it in him to reach for the Shift
key now and then. In either case, he has no business in this business.

"M$" - Betrays a complete lack of ability to think logically. The poster has
hung around too long with people that use failed software and platforms in
an effort to fight the very success that they seek. They want to make money,
but anyone that succeeds in doing so is evil. Of course, the logical
conclusion that follows from this line of reasoning is that only failure is
virtuous. Little do they realize that they are indeed achieving their
logical goal, which is to fail. As they are incapable of reason, it is
useless to reason with them.

If you have read this far, thank you for giving me the opportunity to
express some things that I have to suppress on a daily basis, no doubt to
the detriment of my mental health.

--
Have a nice weekend,

Kevin Spencer
Microsoft MVP
..Net Developer
Sometimes you eat the elephant.
Sometimes the elephant eats you.

[garethdjames]

well said

[Kevin Spencer]

Thank you!

--
Kevin Spencer
Microsoft MVP
..Net Developer
Sometimes you eat the elephant.
Sometimes the elephant eats you.

<ga**********@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:11**********************@g44g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com...

well said

[Ken Cox [Microsoft MVP]]

"Urgent" is the one that bugs me. I tend not to respond to them because the
answer is most likely too late to avoid the calamity.

"Urgent" - People who are so self-centered that they not only think their
problem is more important than anyone else's, but have no conception of
the amount of time and effort it takes to write good software. This
exposes a certain laziness on the behalf of the poster, which stems from
their selfishness. Not only does the world owe them a living, but it had
better pay up RIGHT NOW!

[garethdjames]

I love the ones that say I'm getting a 500 server error whats wrong?

Hang on I'll get my crystal ball

[Kevin Spencer]

Hi Ken,

I did leave out one of my faves: "Doesn't (or Don't) work." Is that what you
tell your mechanic when you have a car problem? Most people say "I hear a
funny noise coming from the left fron part of the car." At least, as
ignorant as it is, it is a description of the problem. It gives the mechanic
a clue at least. And the mechanic has one advantage we don't. He is looking
at the car, and can actually start it himself!

--
HTH,

Kevin Spencer
Microsoft MVP
..Net Developer
Sometimes you eat the elephant.
Sometimes the elephant eats you.
"Ken Cox [Microsoft MVP]" <BA************@sympatico.ca> wrote in message
news:O8**************@TK2MSFTNGP12.phx.gbl...

"Urgent" is the one that bugs me. I tend not to respond to them because
the answer is most likely too late to avoid the calamity.

"Urgent" - People who are so self-centered that they not only think their
problem is more important than anyone else's, but have no conception of
the amount of time and effort it takes to write good software. This
exposes a certain laziness on the behalf of the poster, which stems from
their selfishness. Not only does the world owe them a living, but it had
better pay up RIGHT NOW!

[David Anton]

Or how people that ask "can anyone tell me what's wrong with this code" and
then proceed to post a dozen pages of code with no other explanation.

"Kevin Spencer" wrote:

Greetings Fellow Inmates,

My partner in crime and I have been compiling some observations regarding
key words and phrases to watch out for in newsgroup postings. Employing an
understanding of these key words and phrases can save you a lot of grey
hairs and wasted time. Think of them as a form of triage, a method of
identifying those among the wounded that will take up too much time to save,
allowing you to concentrate on the ones that can be saved and sent back to
the front.

"Simple" - People who employ this word can generally be regarded as such.
These are people who watch a figure skater on television, and because that
figure skater has devoted their entire life to making it look easy, the
couch potato thinks it must be. This exposes a fatal flaw in the poster's
ability to jump to conclusions, and a skin-deep perception of life. Look for
copies of Maxim in their bathrooms, or, if female, Cosmopolitan. More likely
to read Popular Science than Scientific American, but not likely to be
interested in science at all.

"Have [some, this, etc] code" - People who employ this and variant phrases
can usually be identified as plagarists, who couldn't program their way out
of a paper bag. They don't WRITE code; they HAVE it. How do they have it,
you may ask? They went to 4guysfromrolla.com, or some similar web site, and
copied it. Chances are, they even tinkered with it, but that cannot be
assumed. Some are simply (darn, there's THAT word again) future failed
entrepreneurs who thought $60 an hour was too much to pay for a third-rate
programmer, whom they fired, and are now trying to make their incomplete
work work. In any case, there is nothing you can do for them until they
decide to go out and buy themselves a work ethic, or hire a real
professional.

"if u cn read this, ur 2 close" - Newbie Wannabe hackers. These are people
who think that if you walk like a duck and talk like a duck, you ARE a duck.
In fact, they don't realize that ducks are not swans, and hackers, as clever
as they may be, lack the discipline to become real programmers. So they
imitate the wrong bunch of people, and in an effort to be kewl, leave
themselves out in the kold, parading about in the Emporer's new clothes.
They are more likely to post answers than questions, but their answers can
usually be safely ignored.

"Pore Speling" - Of course, this is not a word or phrase specifically, but
any message containing more than 1 spelling error per paragraph indicates a
certain laziness on the part of the poster. This also applies to grammer. Of
course, there are exceptions - people who do not speak English natively.
They can usually be identified by their name, or, if they are terrorists
using names like "Chuck" and "Bill," they can usually be identified by their
grammar, and word order. So, we are actually talking about 3 distinct groups
of people here: The lazy and careless, honest hard-working people who don't
speak English very well (and who should therefore be helped, unless they use
any of the otherwise-mentioned words and phrases), and terrorists (who can
be safely identified and ignored).

"Help" and similarly descriptive message titles. If a person doesn't know
how to use newsgroups correctly, and identify the gist of their problem in
their message title, watch out! They probably use a computer, but don't know
what it is. Quite often, these are office workers who think writing a .Net
application is just like extending Access using VBA. They may have, in an
effort to impress their superiors, volunteered to do something that they
have no business doing, and will usually bite your head off if you don't
stroke them enough, like a rabid dog, due to an excess of sensitivity
training which has rendered them insensitive to anyone's needs but their
own.

".aol" in the return email address. This one can be tricky, and requires
further inspection before a decision can be made, but it should certainly
raise a red flag on the part of the helper. In fact, at one point I had an
AOL email address, but that was many years ago, and started when AOL was a
BBS. There are other reasons of necessity why a person might have an AOL
return address, but the probability is quite high that the person asking the
question is so clueless that he will not understand any answer given to him.

"Urgent" - People who are so self-centered that they not only think their
problem is more important than anyone else's, but have no conception of the
amount of time and effort it takes to write good software. This exposes a
certain laziness on the behalf of the poster, which stems from their
selfishness. Not only does the world owe them a living, but it had better
pay up RIGHT NOW!

"ALL CAPS" - While this is generally referred to as "shouting" it generally
indicates either a message coming from a child under the age of 14, or a
person who is so lazy that he can't find it in him to reach for the Shift
key now and then. In either case, he has no business in this business.

"M$" - Betrays a complete lack of ability to think logically. The poster has
hung around too long with people that use failed software and platforms in
an effort to fight the very success that they seek. They want to make money,
but anyone that succeeds in doing so is evil. Of course, the logical
conclusion that follows from this line of reasoning is that only failure is
virtuous. Little do they realize that they are indeed achieving their
logical goal, which is to fail. As they are incapable of reason, it is
useless to reason with them.

If you have read this far, thank you for giving me the opportunity to
express some things that I have to suppress on a daily basis, no doubt to
the detriment of my mental health.

--
Have a nice weekend,

Kevin Spencer
Microsoft MVP
..Net Developer
Sometimes you eat the elephant.
Sometimes the elephant eats you.

[billmiami2]

These are some great observations and are probably accurate in a
general sense. Nevertheless, I'm always amazed at the way people are
able to get such good quality help so quickly from USENET without
charge. It's one of the most valuable assets we have as developers.

Bill E.
Hollywood, FL

(P.S. It's grammar, not grammer)