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C'mon, Join with Me -- an Access 95 Easter Egg of blessed memory....

P: n/a
A little light humor... this "easter egg" was hidden deep in the Access 95
help system. I did not write it (I am not this creative and never was) and I
did not put it in the product (I was not on the Access 95 team). The person
who did write it and put it in is no longer working at Microsoft (though
that is actually Microsoft's loss!).

But its a very creative poem, and a pretty funny one, too. There are a few
lines in it that can always make me smile, and not just because I remember
the one who wrote them.

I won't give instructions to the egg itself because (a) many people do not
have Access 95 anymore! and (b) I believe that people who want to find
easter eggs should find them the hard way -- something that I believe as
both a writer of them in past years and one who has found them. I will say
that this one is in the Online help in a programmatic topic, not in the
product itself. But beyond that you are on your own! :-)

So, happy Saturday everyone!

-----------------------------------------------
C'mon, Join with Me

Baby, strap yourself onto my new DBEngine -
I'm revvin' my jets, headin' for heaven.
Together, girl, you and I can change the world.
Or at least run an update - let's give it a whirl.
Don't pull that old self-join trick on me.
You need my tables, and my primary key.
I've hurt you before, but I'll make amends,
Or deletes if you want, or selects, or appends.
Once the future looked dim, but now I declare
Our options are endless, no strings to compare.
I'm a dynaset baby, I'm fast and I'm free.
But I'll treat you right - no more DDE.
Hey, I'm grown up, I'm thirty-two-bit.
Bring all your old records, I'll take the hit.
I swear you're more than an object to me -
You're the top of my call stack, my whole MDB.
Girl, you're a user, and you need a group,
So don't get stuck in an infinite loop.
I'll import, secure, analyze, or insert.
I'll do what you want, I'll even convert.
I've got a watch on you baby, and it's about time.
If you don't change your values it'll sure be a crime.
I can't bear to see you in that exclusive lock -
C'mon, open up, we'll drive up the stock.
We'll churn through these records, fast we we're able.
C'mon, lighten up, let's go and make table.
Don't give me that look, don't give me that sigh.
I can't help it, I'm a rows and columns guy.
Our relationship's stable, there's no question.
I'll love you forever, or at least for this session.
Nov 13 '05 #1
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P: n/a
They not giving you enough work. (vbg)

Remember the Cirrus Easter Egg? The Clouds sending lightning down onto a
Pair O' Ducks, bad bad pun.

Note: Cirrus was the name of Access which was changed fairly late on as
there was a credit card in the USA with the same name, funnily enough at
that time there was a credit card in the UK called Access. So much for
internationalisation back then.

Now back to work!

--
Slainte

Craig Alexander Morrison
"Michael (michka) Kaplan [MS]" <mi*****@online.microsoft.com> wrote in
message news:41********@news.microsoft.com...
A little light humor... this "easter egg" was hidden deep in the Access 95
help system. I did not write it (I am not this creative and never was) and
I
did not put it in the product (I was not on the Access 95 team). The
person
who did write it and put it in is no longer working at Microsoft (though
that is actually Microsoft's loss!).

But its a very creative poem, and a pretty funny one, too. There are a few
lines in it that can always make me smile, and not just because I remember
the one who wrote them.

I won't give instructions to the egg itself because (a) many people do not
have Access 95 anymore! and (b) I believe that people who want to find
easter eggs should find them the hard way -- something that I believe as
both a writer of them in past years and one who has found them. I will say
that this one is in the Online help in a programmatic topic, not in the
product itself. But beyond that you are on your own! :-)

So, happy Saturday everyone!

-----------------------------------------------
C'mon, Join with Me

Baby, strap yourself onto my new DBEngine -
I'm revvin' my jets, headin' for heaven.
Together, girl, you and I can change the world.
Or at least run an update - let's give it a whirl.
Don't pull that old self-join trick on me.
You need my tables, and my primary key.
I've hurt you before, but I'll make amends,
Or deletes if you want, or selects, or appends.
Once the future looked dim, but now I declare
Our options are endless, no strings to compare.
I'm a dynaset baby, I'm fast and I'm free.
But I'll treat you right - no more DDE.
Hey, I'm grown up, I'm thirty-two-bit.
Bring all your old records, I'll take the hit.
I swear you're more than an object to me -
You're the top of my call stack, my whole MDB.
Girl, you're a user, and you need a group,
So don't get stuck in an infinite loop.
I'll import, secure, analyze, or insert.
I'll do what you want, I'll even convert.
I've got a watch on you baby, and it's about time.
If you don't change your values it'll sure be a crime.
I can't bear to see you in that exclusive lock -
C'mon, open up, we'll drive up the stock.
We'll churn through these records, fast we we're able.
C'mon, lighten up, let's go and make table.
Don't give me that look, don't give me that sigh.
I can't help it, I'm a rows and columns guy.
Our relationship's stable, there's no question.
I'll love you forever, or at least for this session.

Nov 13 '05 #2

P: n/a
Craig Alexander Morrison wrote:
They not giving you enough work. (vbg)

Remember the Cirrus Easter Egg? The Clouds sending lightning down onto a
Pair O' Ducks, bad bad pun.
I liked Word 2.0's one, where all the little microsoft men beat the
wordperfect monster into a pulp.
Note: Cirrus was the name of Access which was changed fairly late on as
there was a credit card in the USA with the same name, funnily enough at
that time there was a credit card in the UK called Access. So much for
internationalisation back then.
Seems a lot of products get renamed for different markets, there's
normally a reason. The Ford Granada in the UK couldn't be called that in
Spain (something to do with a town that opposed Franco?). The Toyota MR2
got renamed for the French market, try saying MR2 in French pretty
quickly, sums the car up IMHO :-) Dunno why our beloved Marathon got
renamed to Snickers 'though.

As for Microsoft's products, can they pls stop naming them with the most
common words in the dictionary? It would make it easier to google.
Now back to work!


Never stopped, multitasking you see :-)
Nov 13 '05 #3

P: n/a
Chuck Grimsby wrote:
On Mon, 08 Nov 2004 21:29:39 +0000, Trevor Best <no****@besty.org.uk>
wrote:
As for Microsoft's products, can they pls stop naming them with the most
common words in the dictionary? It would make it easier to google.

Seriously. Whatever you do, don't google for "Access Form"! <grin>

eek, 14,100,000 results, I'll let you know when I've finished browsing :-)
Nov 13 '05 #4

P: n/a
Trevor Best <no****@besty.org.uk> wrote in message news:<41***********************@news.zen.co.uk>...
Craig Alexander Morrison wrote:
They not giving you enough work. (vbg)

Remember the Cirrus Easter Egg? The Clouds sending lightning down onto a
Pair O' Ducks, bad bad pun.

It makes me wonder what pun the Asian Linux systems are going to use
in their hidden fortune cookies for Microsoft :-). Pair O' Ducksical?
BTW, in Asia at least one government is forcing companies to buy their
particular version of Linux (info from Mark Anderson of Seattle on NPR
radio). So much for open source. He went on to explain that they are
defining their own standards for computing and telecommunications and
will likely succeed because they will have about 30% of the world
market. He predicted that this will happen in three to five years.
Seems a lot of products get renamed for different markets, there's
normally a reason. The Ford Granada in the UK couldn't be called that in
Spain (something to do with a town that opposed Franco?). The Toyota MR2
got renamed for the French market, try saying MR2 in French pretty
quickly, sums the car up IMHO :-) Dunno why our beloved Marathon got
renamed to Snickers 'though.


How about the Chevy Nova. In Spanish it means "it doesn't go."

James A. Fortune

The source of strong political activism in New England dates back to
the Puritans who had a simple two-part philosophy:
Part 1: The Saints shall rule the Earth.
Part 2: We are the Saints.
Nov 13 '05 #5

P: n/a
James Fortune wrote:
Seems a lot of products get renamed for different markets, there's
normally a reason. The Ford Granada in the UK couldn't be called that in
Spain (something to do with a town that opposed Franco?). The Toyota MR2
got renamed for the French market, try saying MR2 in French pretty
quickly, sums the car up IMHO :-) Dunno why our beloved Marathon got
renamed to Snickers 'though.

How about the Chevy Nova. In Spanish it means "it doesn't go."


Oh, you're gonna get me started on the acronyms now :-)

FORD: Fix Or Repair Daily
FIAT: Fix It Again Tony
AUDI: Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
Nov 13 '05 #6

P: n/a
On 8 Nov 2004 21:01:11 -0800, ja******@oakland.edu (James Fortune) wrote:
How about the Chevy Nova. In Spanish it means "it doesn't go."


Mitsubishi make a 4WD called Pajero which apparently is spanish colloquial for masterbate.
Wayne Gillespie
Gosford NSW Australia
Nov 13 '05 #7

P: n/a
Bri
Trevor Best wrote:
Chuck Grimsby wrote:
On Mon, 08 Nov 2004 21:29:39 +0000, Trevor Best <no****@besty.org.uk>
wrote:
As for Microsoft's products, can they pls stop naming them with the
most common words in the dictionary? It would make it easier to google.


Seriously. Whatever you do, don't google for "Access Form"! <grin>

eek, 14,100,000 results, I'll let you know when I've finished browsing :-)


What a difference a day makes, I only got 82,900 results today. Then
again, I searched for the phrase, not just the words. Hmm, just the
words got me 20,700,000 results.

FWIW, the first page of results for the phrase looked to be completely
on topic, ie all about MS Access Forms. Only about half of the results
of the search for just the words looked on topic.

Bri

Nov 13 '05 #8

P: n/a
Wayne Gillespie wrote:
On 8 Nov 2004 21:01:11 -0800, ja******@oakland.edu (James Fortune) wrote:

How about the Chevy Nova. In Spanish it means "it doesn't go."

Mitsubishi make a 4WD called Pajero which apparently is spanish colloquial for masterbate.


No doubt named for the people that drive them <g>

I've heard of a beer in the US called Wankers, in your neck of the woods
the big sticky tape company has the same name as a condom maker in the
UK (Durex). Meatballs in the UK are usually known as faggots. We also
have a beer called "The Dog's Bollocks", so there's no being in the
wrong country excuse for that one... great beer BTW but your face goes
red when you ask a barmaid for it, or a barman "Do you have dog's
bollocks?", "no mate, it's just the way I'm standing".
Nov 13 '05 #9

P: n/a
ja******@oakland.edu (James Fortune) wrote in
news:a6*************************@posting.google.co m:
How about the Chevy Nova. In Spanish it means "it doesn't go."


Er, no, it doesn't:

http://www.snopes.com/business/misxlate/nova.asp

--
David W. Fenton http://www.bway.net/~dfenton
dfenton at bway dot net http://www.bway.net/~dfassoc
Nov 13 '05 #10

P: n/a
"David W. Fenton" <dX********@bway.net.invalid> wrote in message news:<Xn**********************************@24.168. 128.78>...
ja******@oakland.edu (James Fortune) wrote in
news:a6*************************@posting.google.co m:
How about the Chevy Nova. In Spanish it means "it doesn't go."


Er, no, it doesn't:

http://www.snopes.com/business/misxlate/nova.asp


If Pair O' Ducks is allowed to be stretched into Paradox then I can
stretch Nova into 'no va.' Your point is correct. Now run along and
get involved in a serious discussion.

James A. Fortune

Mas vale pajaro en el mano que cien volando.
A bird in the hand is worth more than 100 flying. - Spanish proverb
Nov 13 '05 #11

P: n/a
"David W. Fenton" <dX********@bway.net.invalid> wrote in message news:<Xn**********************************@24.168. 128.78>...
ja******@oakland.edu (James Fortune) wrote in
news:a6*************************@posting.google.co m:
How about the Chevy Nova. In Spanish it means "it doesn't go."


Er, no, it doesn't:

http://www.snopes.com/business/misxlate/nova.asp


In my last post change "el mano" to "la mano." My Spanish is rusty.

James A. Fortune
Nov 13 '05 #12

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